There is a lot of advice out there on how to find a healthy and fulfilling relationship, however very little for those who just can’t get enough drama and craziness in their lives. If you’re anything like me, you find safe and solid relationships BORING, and you live for the thrill and spontaneity of chemically charged and dangerously toxic relationships. Below are some of my personal tips on how to ensure that you enter into a doomed relationship that will provide many sleepless nights, tons of jealously and endless amounts of emotionally draining drama.
1. Meet your romantic partner at a bar, club, party or other rowdy event where large amounts of alcohol are being consumed.
There is almost no better foundation for a toxic relationship than being introduced in a superficial environment where everyone is trashed. It’s not a guarantee, but if you limit yourself to only dating people that you meet in these environments, then your chances of attaining chaos are very good indeed. If you take the risk of meeting someone outside of this boundary, then it is possible that the person will actually be level-headed and selfless, which of course does not lend itself to finding a crazy relationship.
2. Have sex early and often
If possible, have unprotected sex within hours of meeting each other and then spend the next three days shacked up together in an addictive sexual trance. Forgo food and water, eating and drinking only enough to keep sex possible. Also make sure to be way too intimate and affectionate in every way possible. This type of activity is perfect for fooling yourself that there is a special connection between you and the other person, and the heavy dosing of Oxytocin makes it impossible to have sound judgement.
3. Find someone that has the same sad story as you.
Make sure that your romantic partner has a very similar story of emotional trauma as you. Also important, make sure their coping mechanisms are a match. If you have daddy issues, make sure they do as well, and if you cope with those issues by having control issues, it’s important that they do the same. The alternative to this would be complementing character flaws. For instance, you have daddy issues that make you passive and needy, while her issues make her controlling and jealous. The result can be a delicious recipe for a charged up co-dependent relationship.
NOTE: Following tips 1–3 together will provide more than a 90% chance of landing an insanely toxic relationship with loads of emotional pain. I therefore call these 3 tips the foundational rules for bad dating. While there is still a 10% chance it won’t be what we hope, following just one or two of the remaining tips below in addition to the foundational rules, ensures a really extraordinary experience.
4. Ask your family and closest friends what they think and then ignore their advice.
This one is good, because you actually get some outside input to see if you’re on the right track. I personally like this one a lot since it not only helps me confirm that I’ve got a winner, but defying the advice of others makes the experience that much more enticing, and really helps create crazy hot sex. There’s just something about breaking the rules.
5. Allow yourself to become obsessed and lovesick over the person, and then dive head first into a serious relationship with them.
This one can be tricky since entering a relationship requires reciprocation from the other person, however letting lovesick feelings guide your actions is a very good approach to making bad decisions. All of my major toxic relationships began with profound feelings of love sickness, which allowed me to move way too fast and really embed myself into a relationship with a crazy person. It’s awesome.
6. Dismiss your intuition of dread and feelings of jealousy as signs of true love.
Some deep part of us will usually try and warn us that something about this situation is definitely bad, however rather than be logical, convince yourself that you just need to be around the person more. This fuels obsessive behavior, which if reciprocal, really sets up a great situation for an explosively toxic relationship. I’ve also found that trying to mask these feelings of apprehension with sex will lead to an amazing few months, and really creates attachments that make the drama that much more intense. I highly recommend this tip along with the foundational rules.
7. Prior to going out and meeting someone, setup a list of mandatory character traits a potential partner must have, then completely dismiss it.
Practicing tip 7 is similar to tip 4, but this time you’re defying yourself. I’ve found that this works wonders for convincing yourself that you’ve found a really special person that’s worth breaking the rules for. It also creates a mental situation where we’ll believe that the love is so unique that others just “can’t get it.”
8. Let your partner shit all over your boundaries.
This is usually reserved for later in the relationship, however the experienced can start compromising their boundaries right away. For example, pretend to like something that your partner likes but that you don’t, such as watching NFL football because they come from a “Patriots house.” Better yet, give up something that you normally like, but that they don’t. For instance, giving up reading the news because your partner thinks it’s stupid, or not going to the beach because they don’t like the sun. Doing this helps open the flood gates for a host of other boundary violations including having your partner wake you up to scream at you.
9. Get deeply involved with someone who wants to move away from the area you both live in.
This works for a couple reasons. First, if the person doesn’t like their environment, then they will likely always drag you along for their emotionally arduous sessions of longing for somewhere else. Second, if the person wants to relocate so badly but has not, then there is a good chance there is something wrong with their character, and therefore it is a great indicator that you might have a real winner. If the person has lived in the area for many years, but never taken any active steps toward leaving despite the desire to do so, that’s even better.
10. Try to get involved with an active drug addict
Addiction is a disease, and simply because someone has struggled with it does not mean that they are going to give you a toxic relationship. That said, if the person is actively using drugs while still maintaining a semblance of normalcy, then it only increases the likelihood that being with this person will lead to some serious drama. Hard drugs can work, however I recommend finding someone who regularly uses pharmaceuticals, drinks too much, or both. Marijuana usually doesn’t work all that well, however if the person uses marijuana frequently to resolve their emotional problems, then you might have a winner.
It’s difficult to find someone who can provide us with all of the qualities I highlight in the ten tips, however following these as much as possible will make it very likely that your relationship will at the very least provide a routine dose of toxic drama, anxiety, obsession and best of all, co-dependency. Once in a toxic relationship, there are many other steps we can take to enrich the experience, however this list here serves as some tips to get started. Good luck!