Sex & The Second Amendment

Responding to the belief that guns are sexy

When it was suggested that Americans who are gun owners have more sex AND better sex, I decided to research this claim to find out if it was actually true. What I found was mind-blowing!

My first step was to do some research and gather a list of initial hypotheses as to why people with firearms were getting laid more. Below were the initial possible reasons I explored further:

  1. The adrenaline from having a deadly weapon causes the sex drive to increase.
  2. People with guns are better looking for people without guns.
  3. People with guns are less likely to hear the word “no.”
  4. Many gun owners tend to think that #metoo means, fuck me too.
  5. Gunpowder and cocaine make a neat combo.
  6. Jesus loves guns, and so he showers spears of horniness down onto his beloved gun owners.

After an in-depth analysis of all these possible reasons, I discovered that none of my hypotheses were supported by fact. So I ventured out on a new set of possible causes:

  1. Female companions of gun owners feel safe and protected so they readily open their legs for their male protectors.
  2. The smell of gun powder is an aphrodisiac.
  3. Since they can handle any situation, gun owners don’t worry as much, and so they are more relaxed and confident.

Again I ran into a wall, as none of these seemed to be true either. I was stumped, so I decided to start at this genesis of this debate :

“A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”

The 2nd Amendment: A single sentence that has allowed Americans to stockpile weapons legally, and create mini-compounds for when the bad guys show up and threaten to impregnate all the women and turn the men into zombies. I was pleased to find a streaming channel dedicated to the 2nd Amendment called NRA TV, where all of the programmings is about how wonderful guns are, and how to incorporate these well-crafted tools of death into a normal god-fearing life full of happiness and Jesus servitude. I figured that the people I was watching on NRA TV must have really good sex lives, and therefore must have some information as to why, so I looked some of them up. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to gain any information about their sex lives, so instead, I tried to look into data about their other behavior. I was certain this analysis would be possible given the vast number of people in America that watch NRA TV and own a stockpile of weapons.

WRONG AGAIN! I was seriously striking out, as I found that actually under 2% of the population of the U.S. subscribe to NRA TV! And what’s more? I discovered that only 3% of the population owns just shy of HALF of all the legal guns in America! I was beginning to think that it was going to be impossible to research such a small sample size (which was so surprising because Fox News made it seem like EVERYONE in America wants to preserve the right to own badass firearms). I decided to go to the source of the better sex comment that started my exploration in the first place and set out to find the people that performed the study that links more and better sex to gun ownership.

Unfortunately, upon further investigation, I found out that no one ever said that gun owners have more and better sex.

Yes, no one said that. No one said that guns = more and better sex, at least not yet. While the above may be pulled from my imagination (except the facts I cite), what actually will stop some mouthpiece on the alt-right, ultra-conservative, gun-supporting #merica side of the right to life argument (that being the right to not die in school, a movie theatre or at your job), from saying that Guns = Better Sex. I mean why not? We’ve heard all kinds of other bogus nonsense, such as “guns don’t kill people, people kill people,” and the bullshit keeps piling on with popularized statements such as:

  1. There’s still murder in countries where handguns are banned.
  2. Limiting assault rifles limits your Second Amendment rights because any limitation opens the flood gates for the government to take everything.
  3. Armed civilians help take out the bad guys.
  4. Gun rights will protect you from a police state.
  5. Prohibition didn’t stop alcohol… gun control won’t stop guns.

Every single one of the above arguments is utter rubbish, and yet they are talking points that routinely get played on the airwaves as legitimate arguments for why America should continue to allow maniacs to have access to ultra-lethal firearms. Don’t believe me that these arguments are just as ridiculous as the gun = better sex statement? Here, let me show you:

“There’s still murder in countries where handguns are banned.”

Yes, that is true. There is also murder under the ocean, in the trees, and sometimes under your shoe. Death is the ultimate destination for all living things on earth, and we all understand that. But the argument here is that some murder still occurs where handguns are banned, and therefore gun control doesn’t work, therefore let’s just keep high-powered death machines legal. Well, that’s just illogical, and the facts are that the U.S. of A has an astronomically higher gun death rate than any other country that we would care to compare ourselves to. Now if we don’t mind comparing ourselves to Mexico, Swaziland, and Honduras, then yeah, we’re doing great.

“Limiting assault rifles limit your Second Amendment rights because any limitation opens the flood gates for the government to take everything.”

Limitation already exists on what weapons can be purchased by citizens. We can’t purchase Armed F-16 jets, Grenade Launchers, Functioning Missile Launchers, Sawed-Off Shotguns or Fully Automatic Weapons. Furthermore, the Federal Assault Weapons ban of 1994 lasted 10 years, and during that time no new gun control measures were enacted. In fact, the law expired in 2004 and was not renewed. What did happen after 2004? The rate of mass shootings has gone up, up up, and it continues to rise.

“Armed civilians help take out the bad guys.”

Really? Where? When? The armed civilian in Orlando? Dead. The Armed civilian in Parkland? Labeled a coward for not rushing blindly into a gunfight. The armed civilians in Las Vegas? Unable to locate the shooter 32 floors up, and even if they could have, do we seriously want people shooting at the 32nd floor of a building filled with thousands of people? How about the heroes that stopped a terrorist attack on a train in France? They were unarmed, and facing someone who was armed, but the good guys won in that instance. No mention of that incident by the NRA. Clearly, this argument about armed civilians is by far the easiest to debunk.

“Gun rights will protect you from a police state.”

No, I’m sorry, actually, THIS is the easiest one to debunk. Ask any African American or Mexican American living in an ethnically concentrated urban area if guns protect them from the police state, or better yet, look at the historical facts regarding actual police states.

“Prohibition didn’t stop alcohol… gun control won’t stop guns.”

Prohibition did stop alcohol, at least it greatly slowed it down. That is why so many who made their living in booze, or those that really enjoyed it, moved to Europe during the era of Prohibition. Another hole in this argument is that Prohibition was loosely enforced in many parts of the country, and as time went on, enforcement of the law diminished further. Why? Because it was primarily an outspoken, religious, conservative minority of the population that actually supported Prohibition in the first place, unlike gun control, where the vast majority of the U.S. population supports tighter restrictions on who can purchase guns, and what type of guns are available for purchase. Who currently supports no gun control? An outspoken, religious, conservative minority. If America actually insists on using this prohibition comparison as sound logic for keeping death spreaders available for use on children, then we also need to legalize marijuana at the federal level at the same time. While we’re at it, let’s legalize abortion and end the conversation about same-sex marriage, because prohibiting things doesn’t work right?

Where am I going with this? Well yes, I am a proponent of further gun control in the United States, however, I too don’t want to blindly rush into something. To be sure to practice a conservative approach, I did take a good look at the NRA’s arguments regarding Gun Control, and I found out that I actually do agree with much of what they once said.

The NRA actually supported the first gun control legislation in the U.S. back in 1934. In fact, the NRA president at that time, Karl Frederick, said this:

“I have never believed in the general practice of carrying weapons. I seldom carry one.” — Karl Frederick, 1934

The NRA further supported the gun control legislation of 1968, which included restricting sales to mentally ill people. Until the mid-1970s, the NRA focused on sportsmen, hunters and target shooters, downplaying gun control issues. In 1977, Harlon Carter staged a coup of sorts and took over the leadership of the NRA, placing himself at the very top. Who was Harlon Carter?

Harlon Carter was a Texas-born gun rights activist, who at age 17 attempted to kidnap a 15-year-old Mexican kid and deny him due process. When the kid resisted, Carter shot him dead. He was later convicted of murder, however, he won on appeal due to an improper procedure at trial. Carter was NRA president until 1985.

In conclusion, owning a gun is not proven to do anything for your sex life.

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Trying to tell the truth, and be truthful about it.

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