This says so much in so few words… The part I will address here is “need.” Right, that part of you doesn’t need to really be in the classroom, but yet a straight person never ever, ever, ever worries about keeping it hidden, and they readily and freely talk about their wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend etc… as long as that person is the opposite gender of them. I’m having a hard time articulating this, but when I read this line, I was struck by a strong sense of injustice and unfairness. In short, it made me really sad and really pissed me off. The very fact that you even have to experience this internal conflict is just fucked. It makes me want to cry.