The Debate Stage
NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE (The Blunt Ogre) — During the final Presidential debate on Thursday night, former VP Joe Biden suggested that President Trump could not be an effective dictator.
Trump quickly retorted by saying, “Not true, I mean, I believe in Freedom and I love American freedom, nobody is more of a champion of American freedom than I am, I mean I’m the guy that’s always said nobody is better than America, especially when it comes to freedom, because freedom and America are, you know, the same really, I mean really we’re the same, one in the same, America and freedom, and American freedom is, really, one in the same and one and the same, we’re both, it’s best kind of freedom out there, other people think that they have freedom but once they experience American freedom they realize that ‘woah! I never knew what freedom actually was!’ but you know I’m not a dictator, but if I was, I would be a far better dictator than Vladimir Putin, no doubt, I’d be a world-class dictator, the best.”
Trump stated his reply during the debate on Thursday night, however, no one in the audience could hear him because his microphone was muted.
In other news
Snowden phones in mail-in ballot for Biden
MOSCOW (The Blunt Ogre) — While previously it was believed that he was a Trump sympathizer, sources in Russia have confirmed that Edward Snowden indeed called in his mail-in ballot for Joe Biden, using a hacked smartphone and a phony IP address. In response, Trump said that he will no longer pardon Snowden. The Trump campaign cites a recent lawsuit against Ed Snowden as the reason for the turncoat turning against them.
Members of the right-wing group QAnon have suggested that the name Biden is actually a combination of Bin and Laden. The group stated that this is further proof that Biden is indeed part of a satanic-socialist-leftist-conspiracy-terrorist organization that promotes sex-trafficking.
Financial firms are preparing for an end to law-breaking ahead of a Biden victory. Many companies are pushing to quickly change their practices to legal and ethical as worries mount that Biden may win the election.
Goldman Sachs is demanding a refund of roughly $6 million in campaign contributions after Washington politicians failed to protect the firm from being implicated in the 1MDB Malaysian bribery scandal, which cost the firm over $7 billion in penalties and settlement payments.
President Trump credits Obama and Biden as being his greatest inspiration, “I ran because of you Joe, I ran because of Barack Obama. I’m looking at you know you’re a politician, I ran because of you.”
Culture & Entertainment
Recent polls suggesting a Biden win has many Comedians bracing for a complete and sudden loss of material, on which they currently base so many of their best jokes.
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